Items you NEED for School

G. Li, Editor-in-Chief
📍 Silicon Valley, USA

With the dreaded (or anticipated) school season around the corner, students must pick up their swords and shields and prepareready for battle. With this in mind,Therefore we’ve created an ultimate list of items you WILL be needing this school year. And reasons to go along with them! 

Pilot G-2 (0.7mm): Also known as the best pens to grace this Earth. These pens apply onto paper like a smooth criminal, gliding across the surface with lines of perfect thickness. Although slightly pricey, compared to the egregious price points of other pens offering the same luxurious experience, this is an insignificant small price to pay. For a value of sub-seven dollars, you will gain both aura and five pens that will last you the entire school year. 

Celsius: Energy surges through your veins; is this a healing potion?! No, it is a seemingly magical concoction named Celsius. This drink can keep you awake for around 4-6 hours, the perfect length of time for those 2-8 AM all-nighters (not promoting this behavior). They also taste amazing, especially Tropical Vibe, and boast 10 calories per drink. 

Sleep Mask with Eyes: It’s 2 PM and you’re in your last class of the day. Drowsiness takes over you, and with every yawn you feel yourself inching closer and closer to the desk where sleep awaits. “WAKE UP.” You jolt awake and turn red as the whole class turns towards you. Now, what could remedy this situation? A priceless item: a sleep mask with eyes. As visualized in the thumbnail above, these sleep masks perfectly disguise your asleep state, allowing you to camouflage into the classroom like an iguana. Never again will your beauty sleep be interrupted.

Malcolm Todd: As a fan before the recent virality, I highly recommend this artist to anyone with functional appendages for auditory reception. If you only know Chest Pain, I beg that you listen to more of his music. Notable favorites: You Owe Me, Walk to Class, 4Me 4Me, Mr. Incorrect, Art House, and Sweet Boy. He has a new single called “Original” and it’s also very very good! 

Hachiware Keychain: HachiGOAT is an adorable and sweet singing cat from Chiikawa. Looking at his cutie patootie face during the most grueling school days will instantly heal you. And he very kindly provides counseling and advice services, as pictured below. 

This concludes my list, thank you for listening to my TedTalk.