Author: G.Li, Megaphone Editor-in-chief

📍Palo Alto, CA

Julie Lythcott-Haims is a Palo Alto City Council member, and was the dean of freshmen and undergraduate advising at Stanford from 2002 to 2012. Earlier this year, she ran in the open primary for California’s 16th congressional district for the House of Representatives. On July 10th, on a news and entertainment site for LGBTQ+ women, Autostraddle, an unnamed college dean was exposed for having an affair with a student, Olivia Swanson Haas. It has since then been confirmed by Lythcott-Haims that this dean was her.

In Haas’ essay, I Had an Affair With My College Dean, she writes about the complex relationship between her and Lythcott-Haims, and the paradoxical whirl of emotions this experience has left her with. She had had an affair with her dean, a married woman twice her age, at a period in her life when she was still incredibly young; she had been showered with attention by an influential and well-liked woman at a time in her youth where she yearned to be a famous actor. Haas described it as “a special spotlight” that Lythcott-Haims cast upon her.

Haas describes this time as stressful. She hid her affair with Lythcott-Haims from her friends, her family, and her peers. To others, they were just ‘close friends’— in actuality, they were affair-partners. Only when faced with a potential future with her then boyfriend did she realize that this secret had to come to an end, and that she needed to tell both her boyfriend, and her family.

Her family was horrified. And Haas herself grew horrified as well. She had been groomed. She had been manipulated and taken advantage of by her dean who abused her power and became romantically involved with a 20-year-old girl she knew she shouldn’t have pursued.

Haas’ mother sent a letter to Stanford officials about Lythcott-Haims’ inappropriate behavior, and Lythcott-Haims soon resigned, claiming to have left to “pursue a Master of Fine Arts (MFA)”. While her peers and university celebrated Lythcott-Haims for her bravery in leaving her esteemed title as a dean to pursue an MFA, Haas drowned in the burden of her secret and in anger and disgust and confusion. She felt conflicted about the gray area that her relationship with Lythcott-Haims fell under, and about the person that Lythcott-Haims was. She writes, “Yes, she should have known better. And yet, I had agency. She showed poor judgment. And I made poor choices. She misused her power. She made me feel beautiful.”

Haas says that a few years ago, Lythcott-Haims emailed her, supporting Haas in telling her story, and apologizing. Haas forgave her.

Once this essay was released, Lythcott-Haims came out with a response on her blog, Julie’s Pod. She publicly apologized for her inappropriate behavior, stating “We expressed love for each other. That is where it should have ended. I should not have taken it further. While I was not in a position of authority over her grades or academic status at the university, being in a relationship with a student was inappropriate when it happened thirteen years ago, and it would be inappropriate now. ”

Many expressed disappointment upon finding out about Lythcott-Haims’ actions. Numerous comments under her response were from former students of Lythcott-Haims who were shocked, disappointed, and betrayed by her conduct.

One commenter wrote, “Julie, as a former student of yours and someone who looked up to you and your career for many years, … You should have recognized at the time how inappropriate and damaging your actions were to the student, the Stanford community, and all the other students who were entrusted to your care. You showed such selfishness in taking advantage of an impressionable young woman who looked up to you, as so many others did.”

Another former student posted, “As one of your Stanford freshmen who looked up to you throughout my time on campus, who eagerly voted for you for city council, who championed you in conversations with others, I feel deeply betrayed by your actions … I am disappointed that you have run for higher office and put yourself front and center when championing important issues—knowing all the while that this could come out, and that when it did, it would hurt the very causes and communities with which you so prominently associated yourself.”

From a personal standpoint, Lythcott-Haims’ response rings hollow— she built her entire career upon the image of being a mother and a mentor for youth, yet her actions reveal this image as a sham. How can she promote messages such as mental health among youth when her actions in a position of power have had such a harmful effect mentally on one of her own students? How could she truly feel regretful about her actions, yet continue championing her role as a former Stanford Dean and an advocate for youth to help her gain positions of power, even running for the House of Representatives, when she, herself, knows the hypocrisy of her actions?

Fellow Palo Alto City Council members have also expressed their surprise and disappointment in learning about Lythcott- Haims’ actions.

Lythcott-Haims has since then stepped down from the City-Stanford and City-School district committees, and the Youth Mental Health Task Force. She has also taken a break from writing on Julie’s Pod in light of the recent news of her conduct being revealed to the public. Many hope to see her resign from her position as a Palo Alto City Council member, but it is still unknown if she will continue in this position, or not.